In a last ditched attempt to woe voters before this week’s general election Boris Johnson announced that all Cul-de-sac’s across the UK will be renamed Dead End’s.
“Brexit means Brexit… we are making Britain great again and moving back to being British.”
“There is nothing British about cul-de-sac’s. It’s a French saying meaning ‘a sack only open at one end’… it has nothing to do with a road which is closed at one end. That is a dead end.”
“Once we have cut ties with Europe we are going back to being British. An island on our own.”
“Restaurants will no longer serve coq au vin, it will be written on the menu as ‘chicken in wine’, muesli will be ‘nut crumble’ and pizza calzone will be ‘folded cheesy flatbread’.”
“No longer will the British public be forced to speak foreign languages or use European words and phrases when all they want to do is get on with their daily routines.”
“What British person wants to be driving into a cul-de-sac? We want clear signage saying Dead End. British people need to know what they are doing and where they will end up which with a cul-de-sac is nowhere… why? Because it’s a dead end!”
Boris Johnson has promised that if the conservatives win the election and he is re-elected as prime minister he will start the renaming of cul-de-sacs the following day.
However the British public are becoming a little suspicious of the things Mr Johnson Says.