A leaked Pentagon report has revealed that the US military are seriously hacked off with the younger modern generation blaming them for not wanting to have a good old fashioned war like WW2, Korea or Vietnam which the USA have enjoyed in the past.
In the report Major Dick End of the US Army stated that ‘The millennial generation are more interested in fighting for the welfare of the planet and its people rather than fighting for the opinion and identity of a single nation.’
‘Snowflakes would rather trade with nations, become friends with them and respect their cultures instead of forcing their motherlands democracy onto them by the use of force.’
‘This behaviour will not lead to another global scrap like the good old days of WW2. Remember when we bombed the crap out Europe in the 1940s?’
‘We took on racism and fascism and won! We even allowed some of those blacks of ours to do the fighting for us when they weren’t even allowed to sit on our park benches. It was great.’
‘Now these snowflakes question our motives and our democracy insisting that it is hypocritical and a pretend democracy. Do they not understand that we are protecting them from those middle eastern families who just happened to build their basic stone houses on land with huge oil reserves? It’s all coincidence, that’s all.’
‘9 year old Assam could one day be a potential problem, it’s our duty to get rid of him before he hits puberty and becomes hormonal.’
In reply to the leaked report a young bearded chap with a lovely man bun on his head wearing a paisley pattern shirt under a waistcoat, short trousers and shoes without socks on a snowy cold day said “One People one planet. That’s all there is to say about it man. I have no need to kill or hate anyone from another country. Why would I? Borders are a manmade concept man. Everyone is entitled to live a good life.”
“Life is a blessing, life is short. We live on average 60-80 years so why spend that short time being xenophobic, racist and nationalistic for a country or ideology which will outlive me but not outlive the land it’s on? You know what I am saying man?”
“Let’s all be friends and get on. War and peace, they are both decisions, we decide to hate and fight or live and love and I chose the latter man.”
A spokesperson for the Pentagon called the comments “Utter crap spoken by a complete and utter hippy cretin. There’s nothing wrong with a good global wall. It gives us something to spend our tax money on!”
The spokesperson refused to say anymore and directed us off the property by waving a loaded gun at us.